sometime, don’t you wish you had no friends? i dont know about you, but i do. many many things are deprive from our experience and i can tell you, my experience of it arent that good. and yes, i cried that day because i kept thinking about why people should have friends at time.

like i said before. people needed accompany no matter what.i realize no matter how it's real hard to be alone or perhaps it just take times to get used to it.i dont know but at least for me, i'm not still that used to being alone.

i can be alone for a whole day, a whole week struck with my computer. =(
today is a real bad day for me. i was planning to go home after UT. oh well, lucky i saw some friends.
the thoughts that came to me back then, were that if anyone was to talk to me. i would not take my own life but then, i realise it's GMH website that giving me this thought. too many people wanted to take their own life and now, a small part of me wanted to do the same. but it really means no harm; it serves as a motivation for me. But somehow today is the day that it serves as a bad motivation. =(

but it's ok, i'm just joking about it. taking my own life is definitely not my way of dying.like i always said, it's kind of stupid.



this few days, i'm getting pretty negative. i dont know is it regarding the environment or the people around me. i cant think positivity. for once, i can’t seem to find the reasons to be strong, to live life positivity. i dont know, i'm not a person of words. i dont know how to express my feelings well. but then, i think i express them though my actions. it's kind of obvious i guess, since they say i cant lie. i'm not a person of lies, i like the truth. i like to speak the truth. i lie only because i had to protect someone. if not, i really choose not to lie.
today, i asked why, why my life was like that. i sat down and cried. i couldn’t understand why. why is my life like that? i cant help it, i was really feeling negative. i watched the Watchmen yesterday night, the character called Rorschach. i like the idea of his character and the way he do things.


why’ve you always saying such stuffs. why’ve you always saying acting on a strong front. why must it sound like i'm in the wrong only? i dont like this but i can’t find courage to tell you face to face, why? for the fear of hurting you hurt me. this is why i choose to keep quiet. but your words sometime pull me down.i dont get it, i just dont get it.
they says, just have a clear conscious. but the problem is, do you even enjoy of being maligned? was it that humans would sacrifice their conscious so that they wouldnt be maligned. was it human pride that haunts them.i dont know. i couldnt answer it.
they always say people assume things, they assume cause they're lacking of the guts to ask it. and sadly, for this instance i'm assuming it to be me. so fear not if it's not me.


no doubt, i really understand you better right now. the best way to really understand is to really experience it firsthand. i did and i know.
they say i'm not an emotional person but clearly, we all knew that everyone would be emotional somehow, just rather we're willing to show it or not.
deep down, i know i'm those types of guys that will cry their guts over when their days get real bad and there is no one to understand them. like not say the type of guys, let just say what i think i'm. i think that i would cry myself over accumulating sadness or events. i dont remember what really happen at that point of time. but sometime, when you're feeling down. you could just feel the past sadness or 委屈 you had.

yes, i'm feeling real negative recently, perhaps due to my fever + sore throat i had. but no doubts, i would get myself up and start to love life. it is like once in a blue moon that you would see me here, feeling real down. if not most of the time, i would try to be strong and forget about it. i dont like remembering sad events.

i'm having my UT3 tomorrow at 830. i must not be late. for it makes a difference between i try and i must.